Jett trying to decide, does he want a big one or a little one?

They both chose little ones.  (I love this picture!)

Carving a Jack-O-Lantern

Seeding and Scraping

At first Jett was pretty upset that his hands were dirty but once he realized you were supposed to get dirty he really got into it.  Michael was never convinced and at this point reverted to running around the house and general other boyness.

Jett wanted to help carve so badly.

So we gave him a little piece of his own.

But Daddy still did most of the work (I carved Michael’s and he chose a much easier design so we were done in a jif.)

(Michael is such a cuddler these days.  And I love these next two pics, they are classic Michael: Sweet and Silly.)

Scuba was still working on figuring out Jett’s chosen design so we took a bath and got ready for bed, hence the rest of our pictures are in pajamas.

Look at this little boy inspecting his pumpkin:

Think he likes it?

Finished Products

Can you see what Scuba carved into Jett’s pumpkin?  That’s what happens what Daddy carves your pumpkin for you, it gets a little something extra.

The boys LOVE their Jack-O-Lanterns and it was definitely a fun family night.

Me: No Jett, it’s not Halloween yet.

Jett:  When is Halloween?

Me: It’s coming.

Jett:  It’s coming?

Me: Yes, it coming.

Jett: Is it driving?

Sadly Jett had a hard day today and spent most of it in time out, but we still managed to celebrate.  We ate Chinese food for dinner and for “dessert” we sampled several different Moon Cakes, a late celebration of the Moon Festival but the timing was good since tonight was a full moon.

I got a pic of Jett eating his “cake”, and no he’s not wearing his glasses because they broke tonight (the plastic eye pad fell off and the remaining metal was scratching his nose.

Funny story which is so telling of who Jett is.  After the boys were in bed I ran to Walmart to get Jett’s glasses fixed so that he would have them first thing in the morning.  Jett really likes the guy that works at night and always talks to him and asks him a million questions, “What is your name?  What are you doing? Why?”  After the guy fixed the he said, your little guy is Jett, right?  I was so surprised that he knew Jett by name!  I always say that to know Jett is to love him, even the man that works nights at Walmart’s Vision Center.

Happy Two Year Anniversary to our little guy!  We wouldn’t want to imagine life without you!

It is a brand new organization called Red Threads.  The organization sells country specific shirts, here is their China shirt and their original shirt:

The stitching along the bottom says, “An invisible red thread connects those who are meant to be together” and is part of an ancient Chinese folktale.  Proceeds from the shirts go to provide clothing to children in need around the world.  Or, and this is the part that will help families fundraising, you can sign up to be a red thread family and supporters can purchase shirts and the proceeds can be:

1) put towards your adoption expenses

2) donated to your child’s orphanage

3) donated to your adoption agency

People who would also like to contribute a donation can also do so through their site.  I know several people who have tried using PayPal to help raise support for their adoption and PayPal does not like you accepting donations, and can get feisty when you try to do a raffle so this is one way to raise funds and have people donate without having to hassle with PayPal.

There is a $50 fee associated with becoming a family, but that sets you up with a website where you can tell your families story and where people can go to donate.  If you want to create a personalized shirt with you family’s name or your child’s name you can do that too although there is an extra fee associated with the extra creative work that goes into that.

They have clothing for men, women, and kids – most of it seems to be for China and Ethiopa although the general red thread shirts are universal.  They also have other items in the works such as jewelry.

I am so proud of my friend and the work she has done for this company and I hope that Red Threads’ mission to help families bring home their little ones is successful for many many families!

He commented on my eyes moving.  He wanted to know why my eyes were moving.  How I was making my eyes move.  And how his eyes could do the same thing.

The thing is my eyes were perfectly still as I stared straight into his eyes.  His eyes were the ones moving, not mine.

I have wondered how Jett’s nystagmus affected his vision, meaning what does the world look like to him?  Surely I thought, as I think I read somewhere, that it is believed that the brain compensates for the shaking eyes.  Perhaps I was being naive, because even though Jett’s eyes do move from side to side I still thought that what he saw was stable.

The other day one of the moms in one of my yahoo groups commented, and I paraphrase, “Welcome to the world of our kids are great actors.  And be prepared to fight for modifications in school because he will have everyone fooled regarding how well he sees.”  So in my mind all evening I have been fighting teachers and administration trying to get them to understand how tiring it is to attend school all day and to try to read content when what you’re looking at swiftly moves from left to right.  Sadly, being a former teacher I know that sometimes schools can be bullies and not do what might really help the kid the most.

I also suddenly see why so many parents insist upon braille for their kids with albinism.  Can you imagine being able to read without having to fight to control your eyes?  I’ve never read braille but I imagine the relief.

I have read that the nystagmus can dampen as you age, meaning that it isn’t so severe.  And Jett can hold his eyes still for several seconds at a time, so maybe there is the possibility that by the time he enters school he will have more control of his eyes and reading may not be so tiresome.  I don’t know.  I do know that Jett surprises me at every turn and always exceeds my expectations.  I also know that right now my heart is breaking imagining the extra struggles he will encounter as he tries to do what most of us take for granted, reading a page in a book.  I also know that I am already geared up for the fight.

I never understood the Mama Bear mentality until I had Jett.  And Mama Bear came out fierce tonight, even though the threat is distant and unrealized.

I’m going to talk to Jett’s doctor about Jett’s comment and see what he says about my concerns.  I’m also going to talk to his vision teacher, he has a new one (again, this will be #5) and she mentioned that she taught braille students in her former school district so maybe she will have feedback too.

And if anyone reading this knows anything, I’d love to hear your thoughts as well.

At Jett’s last eye visit he wasn’t scheduled to go back until December but I was concerned about Jett’s strabismus.  With his nystagmus much improved I have been seeing his left eye turn in and I called the doctor concerned.  If patching was going to be necessary I wanted to get started right away, I don’t want to risk another surgery.  We went in and the doctor said, very nicely and reassuringly, that I was making much ado about nothing.  That every once in a while an eye would turn inward but that the surgery was still an overwhelming success.  I was feeling rather silly for over-reacting and getting a sitter for Michael for what ended up being such a short appointment when the doctor asked if I wanted to go ahead and dilate Jett’s eyes, we could wait until December or do it now.  I was secretly hoping he would say this and save me the second trip.  I checked to make sure another hour would be okay with said sitter and we were set.

According to our ophthalmologist, Jett is near sighted with a significant astigmatism that makes him functionally far-sighted.  Clear as mud, right?  I was a health major in college, a science teacher post college, and consider myself somewhat educated on the human body, but how the eyes work have always eluded me.  I know near-sighted and far-sighted refers to where the image focuses on the eye, either before or after the retina and an astigmatism means your cornea or lens is likely misshapen.  And that’s all I got.

At the end of the appointment the doctor stated that without correction Jett is seeing around 20/150 in both eyes which is very good and of course at our next visit we will be able to ascertain a visual acuity with and without glasses, pending the cooperation of a certain 3 year old with the attention span of about 3 seconds.  Anyways, he said Jett’s need for glasses was significant but not severe and that if I wanted to wait another 6 months to put Jett in glasses I could, but why wait.  The vision center of Jett’s brain is still developing and it is best that all children with vision issues have their vision corrected as early as possible to stimulate optimum development so that they will learn to use their vision at the highest level.  It’s very interesting, but you have to learn to see and by helping Jett see we are allowing his brain to do just that, hopefully a little better than it otherwise would.

So, we got a prescription and the research began as to where to buy Jett his glasses.  We settled on Walmart.  Not because we’re cheap, although we are, but because if you are going to be buying glasses for a 3 year old it would be nice to be able to afford to replace them.  Also, for Jett’s first pair of glasses if we are going to have buyers remorse it again would be nice to spend $80 and not $180.  Oh my gosh, I have so many thoughts, where to begin.  For the sake of not boring anyone who is reading this I will try to summarize our experience.

The doctor has led me astray only once, and that was with the recommendation of transition lenses.  These frustrated me endlessly and were a waste of my money.  Transition lenses only work with direct UV exposure.  So when we’re driving in the car the lenses were still clear.  When Jett is inside a brightly lit room the lenses were still clear.  When Jett was outside playing in the shade the lenses were still clear.  Even when Jett was in the sun, he was wearing a brimmed hat, shading his face and the lenses were clear.  Even when I pulled out the glasses and held them in the sun they were a relatively light tint, nothing that was help my extremely photophobic child.  The doctor does not recommend tinted glasses at this time because Jett also needs light to see and he worried that the tint would inhibit his vision more than help it.  So, we returned the first glasses with the transition lenses and ordered a completely new pair (we didn’t like the first frames anyway) and got a new pair with regular lenses and a pair of prescription sunglasses.  Let me interject here and tell you why I love Walmart.  They have great hours, they are open everyday of the week usually until 8 pm and where are you ever going to be that doesn’t have a Walmart?  They will fix or replace the glasses for free, even if we run over them with our car.  Plus, they have a great return policy.  We decided we didn’t like the way 2nd pair looked either and exchanged them again for a 3rd pair, which was cheaper than the 2nd pair so they refunded us the $30 difference.  We got two pairs of glasses for around $160 and I feel we get great service to go with it.  And Jett’s glasses are so cute!  He has such a little nose it is nearly impossible to get them to stay put and not slide so on our once a week shopping trip we just pop into the vision center and they readjust his glasses – so convenient!

Jett was already used to wearing sunglasses and transitioned to his “regular” glasses with no problems.  The doctor told me ideally Jett would be wearing his glasses full time within a month, it took Jett two days.  I’ve heard several people suggest that it seems obvious to them that the glasses must be helping or he wouldn’t wear them.  I wasn’t convinced so easily.  It’s been probably a little over two months and I am more certain now that the glasses do improve his vision.  And it’s more evident with how he looks at things without them than how he acts with them.  Here is a picture of Jett looking at birthday cards without his glasses.

I was surprised at how close he had to get to the card to see it, without his glasses he would usually distance himself a few more inches away from what he needed to see.  So it’s moments like this that lead me to believe that his glasses help.  Also when he watches tv he no longer parks himself a few feet from the screen but will sit back with us on the couch and still comment on what is happening.  We do have really big tv’s though.

Jett’s null point is a the top of his eyes, so he frequently tilts his head down and looks out above his glasses which is frustrating that his best view of the world isn’t at a position that allows him to look through his lenses, but his vision teacher tells me his null point can change throughout his life.

So my next appointment for Jett is in January and we will see what the doctor thinks then.   It’s so funny how I feel as if I’ve joined a little elite group of Mom’s of children with glasses.  We see each other in public and share smiles of camaraderie, it’s kind of fun!  When the doctor first told me that Jett would need glasses I really was very sad.  Jett was so adorable exactly the way he was I didn’t want to change a thing.  I was unreasonably upset and I allowed myself to wallow in it.  Surprisingly it took me only about a week before I would look at Jett and think that without his glasses something was missing.  And I am thankful for anything that helps improve Jett’s quality of life, it’s nice when its something affordable and that he looks pretty cute in too.

Since we’ve gone through 3 different frames this is the only picture I have of Jett in his current, and hopefully permanent, glasses.  I’ll work on getting a better picture.  But until then,

I know 3 people who live in China, one of those 3 has a personal friend who was involved in a fabricated story.  A little girl was born at the hospital, the family did not want her, the nurses found her a home (a single woman I believe), but the official story told to the police is that the little girl was found abandoned on the streets.  So, I will tell you Jett’s story as it was told to us.  There is nothing in the story itself or the person that told it to us that would make us doubt it, and my gut tells me it’s true, but we will never truly know.

Jett was found on the outskirts of a pretty Xuzhou city park, under a tree, wearing a white shirt, wrapped in a blanket, on August 29th, 2008 with his umbilical cord still attached.  There is nothing in the finding ad the newspaper publishes regarding found children (Jett’s finding ad page has a dozen other babies along with him, so sad) that lists the shirt or the blanket, so I can’t be certain that the orphanage director was accurate in those details, but I would like to think that the family who placed him under the shade of a tree might also have wrapped him up to protect him from the elements.

And 3 years later a blonde Chinese Texas boy is putting together an Elmo puzzle he received from his big birthday party.

At 3 years old, according to his 3 year check-up today, Jett weighs 28 pounds and is 35.75 inches tall, which makes him in the 10-15% for both.  I will have to compare this to Michael at the same age and update with those stats.

We had Jett’s birthday party on Saturday, which I will also post later, but here are pics from Jett’s actual birthday.  (Jett does wear his glasses but for some reason he isn’t in any of these pictures!)

Here he is trying to show me that he’s 3, it’s hard to hold down only two fingers!

We had blueberry muffins for breakfast and then since Michael was at MDO and it was cloudy outside we decided to give Jett his birthday present, a new tricycle!

We rode around for about an hour then went to the mall for pretzels and playing in the various play areas before heading to Chick-fil-A for a rushed lunch because it was time to pick Michael up from school.

During nap time I attended Jett’s first ARD meeting and finished his birthday dessert.  He wanted a M&M cookie with a Thomas rail road track, so I decided to make a cookie cake.  It tasted so extremely yummy!

We went to Pei Wei for dinner and then came home and ate huge pieces of cake (which may explain why Jett was up until 11 pm) and then opened presents!

So thankful for my fun, happy, precocious 3 year old!

Technically speaking Jett should have sunscreen on every time he is exposed to the sun, even if he is just riding in the car and he should wear long sleeves and pants.  Well, I bend those rules just a bit.

We live in Texas where we have had 2 full months of 100+ degree temperatures and that doesn’t include the heat index which sits closer to 110.  I refuse to dress Jett in long sleeves and pants, it seems ridiculous to me.  I make sure he is properly sunscreened, wearing a hat, and we play in the morning (before 10) and in the evening (after 5) when the sun’s rays are indirect and therefore not as strong.  But with this heat that is when we would be playing outside anyway.  I try to set up Jett’s playing area in the shade as much as possible and then I try to not to stress about it.  There is no sunscreen that provides 100% protection from the damaging sun rays and Jett has no natural protection so Jett is always receiving a small portion of rays that could damage his skin.  If Jett is in a situation where he does have to play in direct sunlight I limit it to no more than 30 minutes on a sunny day.  On cloudy days I let him play longer.

When we get ready to leave I put sunscreen on Jett first which takes about 2-3 minutes.  All sunscreens that are not zinc oxide or mineral sunscreens (those are the barrier sunscreens that leave the white film on your skin) require 20-30 minutes before they provide protection.  So I put this on Jett first then get socks and shoes on everyone so by the time we get in the car we are getting really close to the sunscreen being active.  I then try to have us in the car & on the way home when the 2 hour time limit is reached and Jett would need more sunscreen.  I carry sunscreen in the car & in my purse so if we are caught out longer than expected then I will be able to reapply, but since both boys still nap it is usually time to get home by the time Jett would need more sunscreen.  Jett not being sunburned doesn’t mean he isn’t receiving sun damage but being sunburned is certainly a good indicator of doing something wrong and so far (1 year, 10 months) he’s been sunburn free.

We have a minivan which already has sunshades installed, so we have these constantly pulled up on both boys sides, and then we purchased an additional sticky shade for Jett’s side.  This provides extra protection for his skin plus it filters out more sunlight to keep his eyes from hurting.  And in his room we have black-out curtains so that way when he is playing he doesn’t have to squint his eyes, we want him as comfortable as possible in his home environment.

Let’s see, what else?  Jett always wears a hat, and although technically he is supposed to wear a wide brimmed hat we go with a baseball cap, much cooler.  And he always wears sunglasses.

I always warn Jett when a step is coming up so that he doesn’t trip on it but other than that I don’t really feel as though I make many modifications for his vision.  He now has glasses which he does a great job of wearing.

We want Jett to be as normal as possible.  We don’t want to add anything to him that is going to make him any more different than he has to be.  Which is why we dress him like a normal toddler during the summer, in shorts and t-shirts and why he wears a baseball cap instead of a wide-brimmed floppy hat.

Overall I really don’t feel as though we make many modifications for Jett.  The only ones we do on a daily basis are the sunscreen every two hours when we are going to be outside, which in real life equates to twice a day.  During the winter if it’s a cloudy day and I know we are only going to be outside for 90 seconds while walking from the car to the store I will cheat and not apply sunscreen – which is against doctor’s orders but I do it anyway. And during those winter months when it is just too dang cold to go anywhere we goes days without Jett getting any sunscreen.

I don’t want to go into details because I believe this caretaker did their best, but despite my best efforts to prepare her and the boys for my departure I daily received phone calls where she plainly, and frustratingly, admitted that she could not handle the boys – but when you’re a thousand miles away what do you do?  I tried to get help to relieve her but the 3 people I tried were unable to provide assistance.

It has been two weeks and Jett is still struggling.  I half joke that he has Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  He has been peeing and pooping in his underwear, things he has NEVER done even when he first potty trained, and he is so upset when it happens.  I just let him stay in diapers one day because he cried and begged me to.  He has been hitting me and has been biting Michael, he actually drew blood today.  He did those things when we first brought him home but he hasn’t done that in more than a year.  He is not sleeping at night or during nap time.  And he throws terrible tantrums over nothing, he will just throw himself on the ground and I even saw him bang his head on our concrete floor, something else he hasn’t done since the first couple of months we had him home.

As I was preparing to leave I was trying to prepare myself for what I would find when I got home, and I didn’t expect anything like this.  I thought maybe some eating and sleeping issues (which reminds we, when we got back he had lost weight – his pants literally will not stay up anymore – it makes me want to cry) but I did not expect the regression to the hitting, biting, and tantrums including head banging.  He also does not want me to leave with him his beloved babysitter either.  The day before we went on vacation I had our babysitter over to watch the boys while I did all my last minute preparations around the house.  Even though I was here the boys were perfectly happy to play with her and let me be.  Now, Jett clings to me and cries for me not to even put him down…  Lastly, Jett will no longer tell me that he loves me.

Michael starts Mother’s Day Out in about 2 weeks and I think the 1 on 1 time with Jett will help.  And I am going to try to not leave him with sitters for a while.

I know that it is recommended that couples get away and common wisdom is that what’s good for the parents is good for the kids.  But I have to say, adopted kids are different.  Now I’m not saying that parents of adopted children should never go on vacation, but I knew Jett wasn’t ready.  And I knew that the caretaker was the wrong choice.  People don’t understand how a child from a background like Jett, institutionalized for the first 14 months of his life and then the next 6 months figuring out his new life, are different.  You can’t treat them like normal kids and expect them to rebound like normal kids.  And I guess that’s my problem, I knew Jett would struggle with me being gone but I just expected him to rebound and he just doesn’t have the coping skills to do that just yet.

I love being able to come on here and talk all about how amazing Jett is, and this post doesn’t change that.  But I want to be honest with our journey.

I probably feel most… shameful… about the fact that I knew Jett wasn’t going into the best situation for him and I, who am supposed to be his advocate and protector, didn’t do my job.  I didn’t want to over-react.  And I get weary of the conversations trying to explain what Jett might go through as a result of his circumstances and the trying to convince people of something they don’t agree with.  Before adoption I too thought that it was because these kids were treated differently they acted differently because no one expected anything more.  At an adoption conference I attended Dr. Karyn Purvis changed my world when she explained how the brain chemistry of a child, like Jett, who is from a hard place is completely different from the brain chemistry of a child, like Michael, who has known since he was born that he was precious and loved and who has never been neglected or had to worry about basic needs.  I certainly wasn’t exposed to this type of thinking before Jett and most others aren’t either.  We have to look at these kids differently, have different expectations (not lower expectations), and respond appropriately.  Here is a short clip of Dr. Purvis introducing this issue.

So we have some work to do with Jett to get him back on track.  Unfortunately we are going on vacation again, we leave Saturday and I think it is only going to make the issue worse and once again I am at a loss as to what to do to fix it. Well meaning family is telling me, again, not to worry about it, that he will be fine but my heart tells me otherwise.  I know that we are going on vacation for the boys, it is their trip, but the timing is all wrong.  I do believe Jett will recover from this, I just think it will take a lot of work and more time than we thought.